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As I continue my journey to ‘Know Thyself’, I can see how it helps me to define my emerging awareness through the use of new language. Knowing what new perspective we are transitioning into can bring more clarity to what we are leaving behind, allowing us to refine our choices and awareness of the process of behaviour modification. In this essay I will share my personal insight on some new language that has helped me to mold the reality of the awakening self.
The language that we use as we talk about our experiences, helps us anchor our minds into a new paradigm of experiences, supporting deeper self-observation and improving self-management skills. If your aim is to shift your state of being and the quality of your life then learning to talk about the depth of your inner personal world is crucial. Integration of a transformational shift, requires learning about new perceptions and ways to navigate the world, to form a new level of awareness that has evolved beyond the contracted and conditioned mind. Knowing how to practically embrace the changes that need to happen, so that you can move towards a reality that feels harmonious and supportive, depends on all the small choices that you make each day, the improvement we make to the quality of our experiences and the language we use to describe these choices.
I will explore the following terms, what they mean to me and how we can understand the terms through our everyday experiences:
Attunement: To bring into harmony : to make aware or responsive.
Are you tuning in to how you really feel?
Do the people you choose to surround yourself with support you by tuning into you?
Attunement relates to energetic connection. It happens in the subtle moments of deep listening, when we meet someone at their level. When we enter into someone's inner world with them, feel their pain, hear their worries and support them as you move into a different state together.
Resonance: A relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people.
Do you move towards experiences that light you up and support your expansion?
Do you feel confident to recognise and move away from experiences that upset you?
Resonance can be experienced as the quality of having an intensity of emotion or richness of expression that evokes or reinforces a sympathetic response.
Cohesion: The act of bringing together the part and forming a united whole.
Are your beliefs, values, intentions and actions strengthening each other?
Are you reflecting on inner conflict to find balance within?
Cohesion can be used to refer to the process of creating unity first within yourself and then within a social group of like-minded people.
Alignment: The manifestation of how it feels to be connected with yourself and living in harmony.
Are you navigating your life guided by your intuition and inspiration?
Do you trust in your ability to navigate the flow of life?
In the context of personal growth, alignment refers to the truth running through our values, beliefs and actions. It means living in accordance with our true selves and core principles.
If we haven't learnt to acknowledge what we are experiencing, being able to name it and be more aware, is beyond our reach. Many people would not even question a comfortable experience of life unless they are confronted with a moment of break-down or existential crisis. It’s when these painful moments happen that we can be pushed to ask deeper questions. It’s then that we may realize, we are not so aware of ourselves and we’ve been living on auto-pilot for a considerable amount of time.
Moment of awakening like this can be harnessed and the potential of the moment can be rode all the way into a process of transformation. Awakening first to your true self, then of your world view and eventually of your lifestyle.
If not an easy feat to achieve a transition from unconscious living into choosing a life that is created. A life that keeps you on the emotional edge of aliveness, open to all fluctuations, can feel like it's out of control but we can learn to master ourselves. Awakening to the fullness of life is intense, but as well as learning to make new choices, we can guide ourselves towards a deeper state of inner peace and lifestyle of harmony and balance.
A comfortable or idealised life, may look good from the outside, on paper you may be ticking all the boxes. You may have lived your life according to the book only to realise that something doesn’t quite feel right. A niggling feeling that’s a signal to look within. Many people avoid these subtle signals until they become so loud that it’s hard to carry on living in denial. This is usually when a break-down or break-through happens. It may not feel like it at the time, but these moments are precious, the sliding doors plot-twist to a whole new version of your existence.
You are given a choice. Do you commit to discovering who you really are? That version of you hiding beneath all of the feelings that you have buried away over the years. Or do you make a mad dash to whatever can soothe you the quickest, and cling on to that for dear life, hoping that everything will work itself out. You may re-establish some stability again but that doesn’t mean you’ll feel any more connected to yourself. The only way to connect to yourself, to feel more connected to life and embrace deeper more sustainable relationships, is to walk the path of self-discovery and find yourself along the way.
Let’s begin to explore these terms. These are my personal reflections, what you take away and realise for yourself will be unique to you at your stage of learning and development.
Attunement:
Are you fulfilling your relationships?
What it is not:
Attunement Vs: Ignorance, neglect, comparison, separation, assumption, expectation, marginalisation, disregard, projection
What it requires:
Attunement: Trust, vulnerability, compassion, self-observation, mindfulness, curiosity, authentic communication, personal truth
Do you know that people can only connect with you to the depth that you are connected with yourself? Added to this, they can only see what you are prepared to show them. So when we shut off from who we really are and repress part of our true nature, it’s easy to understand how we can attract similar people into our lives. We then begin to perform acts of superficial connection, going through the motions of a relationship, enjoying all the bucket list moments that every good relationship should have. But are we really attuning to the people in our lives and are we supporting others to attune to us?
In our past, we may of learnt:
that sharing our inner life is dangerous,
It’s unsafe to be open about how we feel
That self-protection is the only form of survival
That people are not interested in who we really are
People do not have the capacity to help in any way
We adapt to a world not really knowing what authentic connection really looks and feels like. We live off the crumbs of connection that are offered by those who have not yet built this awareness for themselves.
If we all wrap ourselves in a duvet of survival personality, it’s no wonder that we can’t really see and hear each other and feel that deep connection that we really truly want.
Knowing how to apply the right practices in the right moments will help us to change our experience. To attune to someone, we need to be grounded. Not in our heads worrying about someone's opinion, scared of the outcome or feeding our own neurosis. When we are grounded, we can be mindful of the present moment, we can actively listen, ask genuine questions not just to fill the gaps of the conversation but because we understand that we all need compassionate support to help us through life. We can all benefit from honest reflections shared with kindness and love. We feel supported when we know that someone has our back and they have taken some time to understand us in a deeper way and empathize with our situation. To help them to do this we need to be open and honest about how we really feel. Even if how we feel is challenging for them to hear.
Resonance:
How much joy do you feel?
What it is not:
Resonance Vs: Dissonance, aversion, disgust, oppression, repression, reactivity, contrast
What it requires:
Resonance: Openness, grounding, co-regulation, healthy boundaries, desire, informed decision-making, empowerment.
If we grew-up feeling a sadness that was never acknowledged or processed, it's likely that we have a pain that we are avoiding, buried somewhere in our belly, that is stopping us from feeling genuine joy. This shadow of sadness can feel like an emptiness of inner darkness, driving us into addiction or impulsive behaviour, where we act out some shadow expression.
To find resonance we first need to clear out this unprocessed sadness and possibly disgust, so that we can again begin to build awareness of what we really like and don’t like. Then we can recognise real attraction versus the desire and arousal that we feel when we are visually triggered by sensationalised objectification. Meaning, when we get excited because we see something we want and we go for it, like a dog to a bone, without really checking in on our needs, and unconscious drives. When we are reaching and grabbing at external objects, it’s more than likely coming from a place of lack. We may not be very regulated, and possibly have narrowed awareness of what's really going on within us.
Maybe a repressed part of us is desperate to experience a moment of life.
Maybe we are unaware of our needs and are not able to move towards what we really want.
Maybe we just have not realized that we have the right to say no to things and yes to the experiences that we might really enjoy.
Dissonance can creep in and the most subtle level but land in someone's body and leave them feeling deflated, drained sometimes adding to the sadness that they already carry. Resonance is a two person moment and requires awareness of the process from both people.
This is why healthy boundaries are an essential stage of holistic learning and development. When we know what we don't want, don’t like, don’t need, we understand contrast and begin to move towards what feels good. It is in the experience of what feels good, that we can find resonance. When it’s right for us and right for the other person, we can meet each other and resonance is established. Sometimes some mutual work needs to happen for resonance to be achieved. Sharing, learning, recognising a common ground. But if we are not fully opening and trusting the moment, letting someone see where we are and witnessing what's arising, then we can never hope to achieve the feeling of resonance with another person. There will always be a distance and the chance of being misunderstood.
So if you struggle to find connections that resonate within your body, it may not be down to your level of openness but could be due to your choices. So don’t be afraid to choose what you prefer and know that when a doorway closes somewhere else there is an open window.
Cohesion:
How committed are you to living your life on your own terms?
What it is not:
Cohesion Vs: Impulsivity, unconscious patterns, denial, self-abandonment, masking, falseness, duty, fantasy
What it requires:
Cohesion: Self-reflection, contemplation, consideration, responsibility, accountability.
On some level we are choosing the life that we have. Of course there are some who have had all their rights stolen from them but most people in the west have some say in what happens to them. To give away your right to choose or to simply not consider that you have a choice, is a choice in itself.
Before we begin the awakening process, our behaviours are not our own. We are culturally conditioned by everything, from our parents and school to all the adverts we see and music we listen to. All of it is entering our minds and having some sort of influence. Depending on your strength of character, your faith and your sense of self, your decisions and reactions can be manipulated and coerced by others with more awareness than you. We may find that we become a different version of ourselves in different situations, often for different reasons, to fit-in, find acceptance, because it is what we have been conditioned into. Unless we are crafting our inner structure for ourselves and embracing life as a conscious co-creative process, we can find ourselves torn between who we really are and what we seem to attract. If our aim is alignment, achieving cohesion within is the essential foundation of all future evolution.
But how do we go about building a secure sense of self from an inner world that is undefined or fragmented?
Through the process of knowing yourself you can connect to and establish an integrated sense of who you are that will keep you centered in even the most dramatic situations. Cohesion is an outcome of self-discovery and is something we can establish first within, and then test it out by being ourselves in the world. The level to which we are able to define our sense of self, is reflected through our inner strength and resilience. Our ability to bounce back and continue walking our path. When we have not found an inner thread that connects all parts of ourselves, we can find ourselves in inner conflict or confusion about which direction to move in. Coming back to our practices of self-reflection and contemplation will help us when we want to consider our next steps in life. That feeling that happens when things begin to come together rather than fall apart, will happen more often when our inner structuring is solid.
At the deepest level, we need to assess and reframe when necessary, what we believe about ourselves, that world and how we choose to live. The new beliefs that we embed, must align with our personal values otherwise we are already creating disruption. From there it is a process of building yourself up and nurturing your inner being so that it feels established and true. The end result can be this cohesive inner dialogue, arising within a sense of inner peace and harmony. When you have cultivated that, finding alignment in life happens with ease.
Alignment:
Are you blossoming into your fullest expression?
What it is not:
Alignment Vs: Conformity, compromise, scarcity, distraction, disruption, stuckness
What it requires:
Alignment: Transcended awareness, somatic awareness, integration, knowingness, connection to source, relationship with the divine.
Imagine trusting in yourself and life so deeply that everything seems to flow. What you are attracted to is a mirror of what you have refined within yourself and when it is not, you can smoothly flow around challenges and obstacles, like the water of a stream passing over a rock.
It's good to recognise that we can make mistakes when seeking alignment and approach it as an exploration rather than a something we hope will just happen. Alignment happens through saying yes to yourself every day, every moment of every day. Saying yes to your needs, yes to your desires, yes to your vision, yes to your guides. Every temptation that comes along will always lead you to the said outcome, stress, lack, a sense of unfulfillment. When we reach to the external, sure we may find some gratification and some beautiful moments but unless we know that we are attracting what we really need, unless we already are being who we aim to become, there is always the possibility that what comes along is just another temptation/lesson to help you see that the way to grow happens by looking within.
Being in flow and trusting in the unfolding are two practices that we can learn and master. Learning how to recognise when we are about to people-please or self-abandon, it to form the habit of knowing that we are not prioritising our. We will only ever become what we choose to be, by choosing where we put our attention. Each day that passes by when you're wasting time in distractions or feeling disrupted by some external drama, is another day lost, keeping you from that life that you truly desire. The answer is not to grind to achieve but to feel into the subtle energies of life and know that you are guided. Responding in the right way when inspiration or intuition finds you.
To observe the subtle signals that will lead you into the flow of alignment, we need to cultivate our observation skills. This requires us to sit in stillness and notice every signal that arises and descends. There is no shortcut to learning this practice. Only we can really know the differences between one subtle energy or stream of information and another. If it means that we make many poor decisions as we learn how to listen within, to know how to respond in the most aligned way that bears the greatest fruit, so be it.
All inner practices that build self knowledge and inner connection will support you to navigate towards a life that you fully align with. So prioritize your inner work if you want to see the outer world shift into alignment with what you truly want to experience in life. And if you're still not sure what that is, then don’t rush, slow is the way to grow. Be cautious not to fall into the trappings of money, power, hedonism or fame, because you can find yourself caught in cycles that don't serve you.
If your aim is to unplug from the matrix of conformity and live life on your terms, be careful not to recreate the mis-alignment that you knew before. Keep creating space so that you can keep coming back to yourself and your inner work. This way you know that your alignment stays true.
I hope this exploration into these four concepts has helped you to name and reflect on your own process of living and growing. Maybe you have a different interpretation of these words or use other touch points to help you identify the shifts that we experience during our awakening and evolution. I would love you to share your comments.
With love, grace and gratitude.
Morris Monroe
