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A Journey Beyond Surface Impressions
How many of us truly struggle to choose love? This question, simple yet profound, invites us to dive deep into our understanding of what love really means and how it shapes our lives.
What Do We Understand of Love?
Love, a concept as old as humanity, is often tangled in the web of our earliest experiences and cultural programming. We grow up forming our ideas of love based on what we are told and shown—by parents, media, and society at large. But understanding love, true love, is not about adhering to these external references, it’s not what we are influenced by, it’s not ticking off a list of red or green flags; it's a personal journey towards seeking and embracing truth.
I see many people, myself included, making choices that have been driven by lust, a need for safety, a sense of lack, the belief that we are in some way incomplete, or out of a fear of being alone in the world. We by-pass the process of really trying to know love before we start to look for it.
Our eyes are conditioned to look out for aesthetics, the curve of a body or the strength of an arm. Our love languages keep the mind engaged in reactions to our triggers scanning for signs of danger through someone's unconscious behavior, we are learning to judge whether love is there or not. We become so sensitive to words that we miss feeling the energy behind them. Deeming certain phrases as acceptable, many of us police each other with a view to creating more separation in the world. What do you do when someone does not meet your standard of what love should look and feel like?
Is it possible that in our rigorous search for love, we became dysregulated by our triggers of what we judge not to be love?
Do we even know how true love feels for ourselves?
Do we fall out of harmony with ourselves and begin to push away real love rather than attract it?
In Our Search for Love, What Influences Our Choices?
Our decisions, especially those concerning love, are frequently influenced by a mix of fears, desires, and unconscious conditioning. There is a lot of psychological narrative to reflect back to us why we are making the wrong choices when it comes to finding loving relationships.
Often we are told that we are attracted to the wrong sort of people, those who display similar inadequacies to our primary care. Our brain wants to resolve the problem so that it can finally find peace with the past. So we seek people with similar patterns to our parents to unconsciously learn what love is and why it becomes distorted through behavior.
When we are attracted to the dangers of our past, we are trying to evolve and resolve. This may seem like too much of an ordeal for some. Too much of a risk of pain to face all the challenges that come when facing the unknown. And so some may choose safety as an alternative option.
What feels safe and familiar often takes precedence. In a world where fear can dominate our perspectives, the safer choice might seem more appealing. This tendency leads us to construct a reality that seems like safety— but this is really a fear-based approach—rather than one that is really founded on true love.
So what are we to do?
Have we been influenced to choose experiences that are less than loving, and so not familiar with the feeling of real love even when it shows up?
How conscious can we become when choosing a path towards love?
How Aware Are We of What Drives Our Choices?
When making choices, how conscious are we? Do we notice our breath? Are we aware of our current mental and emotional states? The act of choosing—whether it's whom to trust, what to believe, or when to act—requires a deep awareness that many of us might not routinely practice. This awareness can profoundly influence the quality and authenticity of our decisions.
If we can observe ourselves and recognise our internal state when we are making decisions, we may be able to gauge some idea of the reality that we are moving into.
This level of self awareness can become a tool for navigating life. It can help us to understand what feels harmonious and what's leading us towards love.
Many people make choices to avoid sadness and pain whilst still holding the sadness and pain within their bodies. Not realizing that what they have attracted is usually a vibrational match to what they are. Some people are seeking safety because we are by-passing fears and when we are moving into something driven by desires that come from another place. There are some light hearted people who will attach themselves to those who are low in mood. And if you are someone who projects your positivity out onto others you may not be receptive enough to know when others, who don't match your energy level, are hanging around to feel better and boosted by you but do not have the same level of energy to reciprocate in a balanced way.
The imbalances in relationships also keep us from really knowing true love.
The Impact of Choosing Love
Choosing love over fear or familiarity can significantly affect our lives and the lives of those around us. When we are brave we make new choices, we are creative, we evolve our situation and the patterns that keep us limited. When we choose love we create a ripple effect, impacting others with our actions and the reach of this ripple, stretches from the immediacy of our experience to the most expensive outcomes.
If we are choosing love for ourselves first, each day making small loving choices, we ensure that in the long term our lives will shift into a lifestyle of harmony. Often, to choose love and authenticity, we need to express our truth and face our challenges with commitment and determination. Choosing love takes us across the thresholds of our fears. We enter the unknown and witness the realness of who we are becoming, more present in each new moment.
When we opt for love, we align our actions with our deepest values and aspirations. This alignment doesn’t just influence our personal sense of peace; it resonates outward, affecting our relationships, communities, and ultimately the world.
Choose love over lust.
Choose love over fear based safety.
Choose love over avoidance.
Notice what begins to shift in your life.
Recognizing Our Heart and Soul
It's crucial to recognise that our heart and soul are not just abstract concepts but tangible aspects of our experience. We feel their presence most profoundly when we are regulated and life feels harmonious. On a practical level maintaining emotional and psychological balance as a foundation for choosing love. Processing your emotions is key to keeping yourself and your life aligned with love.
If there is one lesson that our generations need to learn, one teaching I would be able to share, it would be this: learn to process your feelings and emotions to truly understand the heart, your soul and what Love actually is.
In conclusion, choosing love is about more than an idea, a spiritual concept or a dream, it comes down to the practice of making simple decisions in the moment; it's about developing a lifestyle and mindset that embrace openness, awareness, and truth. It challenges us to rise above our immediate fears and desires, urging us to connect with a more profound part of ourselves—the part that seeks harmony and authenticity.
Love is a personal practice that needs to be learnt and cultivated.
As we continue on our personal journeys, let us strive to make choices that reflect our deepest values and expand our capacity to love, not just in safe and familiar ways, but in bold and transformative ones.
