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For anyone who is caught in a place of stuckness, feels disconnected or has a sense like something is missing in their life, I want to share about my journey of self discovery.
For anyone with functioning issues, addiction, poor emotional or mental health, I also want to encourage that change is possible!
At the beginning of my journey, I set out seeking something other than what I had created for myself. I wanted to change the lifestyle I found myself caught in. I wasn't sure how but I knew that I needed to evolve in some way. My denial around the seriousness of my addiction issues was wearing thin and I kept glimpsing beyond the veil of my mental illusion (delusion) of life.
It was actually an NHS psychiatrist, who recommended that I read the book Siddhartha; the story of the journey of the Buddha. Around three months after this I was on my way to start a new life in India.
Yoga and meditation, did what they said on the packaging. Mindfulness, expanding my awareness, stillness, and a calm mind. But it was only on my return to Europe that I was really pushed to do real inner work.
What is inner work?
Well you know the phrase; the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?
We can consider this to be what happens when no inner work is done. We become the version of ourselves that we have been conditioned to be (by our parents and culture).
For me, the moment of awakening really begins the moment when you ask, 'to be or not to be?' That really is the question. Do you unconsciously act from a place in the mind where the awareness is trapped and limited within a version of yourself that fits in with what others tell/show you or do you yearn to break-out and live to make new choices?
If you want/choose to walk your own path in life, the first stage is really about overcoming your fears; being alone, missing out, saying no, stepping into the unknown.
Then once you find a slightly new rhythm, one that offers you more time and space, you can begin to explore relaxation and regulation. Practices which can become unexpectedly quite profound.
Relaxation: Invites you to slow down, ground your awareness away from your mind and let go of the stuff you don't need to be distracted by. Resulting in the discovery of deeper and deeper states of peace and stillness. (check out my post tomorrow for my top tips on effective relaxation techniques)
Regulation: Starting with your nervous system, you can learn the tools you need to navigate the world with awareness of what triggers you (into emotional reactions) and why. Then learn to self-manage any impulsiveness and drama.
So for anyone ready to take the leap into self-discovery or those who are looking for the next step beyond yoga (on the mat) and a traditional practice in meditation, keep an eye on my feed as I share my recommendations.
If you are already at a stage in your development where you have already done a lot of self reflection. It is at this point I would recommend a deep dive into self observation. For me, once I had achieved a quiet mind, mantra really helped with this. I noticed that I was transcending too many thoughts that felt really important to look at. So I began to practice self observation as the next phase of my seated practice.
Sit - Relax & Regulate - quite the mind - then have a sober look at myself.
I began to question all aspects of myself.
Warning: the term break-down to break-through can be applied here. Pulling apart your personality and worldview, not an easy or comfortable taks. Probably made worse when you decided to do this in the middle of a pandemic. But self observation is also about learning new tools and techniques to help with functional processes:
Emotional awareness
Emotional processing skills
Critical & Creative thinking
Shifting perspectives
Intention
Manifestation
The thing about taking off the masks of your personality is that you need to discover who you really are. Which means the people who know you no longer know you. At this point it is so important to find others who you can share your journey with. As you learn to drop into the truth of who you are, the reality of you being you realize that there are more layers to work on. You have come so far that there is no turning back. Even if you could go back to your old life it would no longer feel real for you.
But that fact that the first layers have been unpacked has created the foundation needed for conscious personal development:
Embodied decision making
Authentic self empowerment
Self actualisation
and the biggy Shadow work
At this point you may be thinking, 'I don't know what any of this means' (I will share my understanding in the following posts) or 'this sounds like so much work and I have not even started'.
Considering beginning a process of personal growth may seem like there is a mountain to climb. But think about all those people who make a commitment to run a marathon each year. 26 miles. It's a mindset that is needed. A commitment to yourself and to others, with the results being a better quality of life.
It's about finding wholeness within yourself and defining what well-being means for you.
I am in my 6th year of sobriety from drink and recreation drug use (4 years since my last major slip) and 3 years completely smoke free. And even though there is no escape from my feelings any more, I do find a state of contentment and joy for life every day. Everytime I am still and relaxed.
And I go about my day from a place of inspired action in a state of flow. So work no longer feels like work. It is just one big creative process of my being fully myself.
My self care has me managing my mental health in a really successful way. When the waves of depression hit I can manage it and my social anxiety, even though it is there I am living what I consider to be a successful life around it. Achieving this is already a huge win for me.
Feeling authentically me, comfortable and at home with myself, is also a beautiful experience I never thought I would access. From avoidance, self hate, shame and escape to the embodiment of self Love, is already a miracle in my eyes.
But I know that the best is yet to come. Because not only have I been doing inner work, I have been working on some projects, a life vision, a calling so next year is the year for me. To launch a business and show up differently in life.
So if you haven't started your journey yet or you have but need to go deeper. Feel encouraged and inspired that the road may be challenging but the rewards are big.
